Truly, one cannot live without the beloved, yet can indeed die without them,<hr>
and their loss could never be a pleasant thought. They should harbour regret for parting from them,<hr>
and not regret that they did not die with them. But your manner of loving is quite singular,<hr>
and your inclinations naturally so cruel that poison and daggers are the finest gifts<hr>
one could ever receive from you when you wish to show your friendship.<hr>
Tell me, how can you reconcile all these things? Knowing that the heavens watch over me,<hr>
I am convinced that if I were to die, it would be arranged in such a way that your injustice<hr>
and my innocence would be clearly revealed.<hr>
       You say that I have sent my portrait to Antony and thus carried on an affair with him. And<hr>
at the same time, you accuse me of having another relationship with Joseph, because you assert<hr>
that I entrusted him with your deepest secret, by revealing your murderous intentions<hr>
against me. It is impossible that I ever gave myself entirely to him as a reward for such<hr>
information. Think well, Herod, what you say. Could Antony and Joseph<hr>
have coexisted within my heart? Were they rivals of equal stature and merit?<hr>
And could this Mariamne, whose birth is so high and illustrious, whose soul is so noble and glorious<hr>
that some see this proud nobility as a defect rather than a virtue, have fallen for two such different men,<hr>
the only common ground being they would have indeed failed to touch her heart had they tried?<hr>
My conquest is not as easy as you seem to think, and I am startled that you who has<hr>
never attempted it, imagines it to be so straightforward for others. I admit Joseph told me<hr>
of your ill intentions against me, but I did not believe him. At first, I thought it a wickedness of Salome,<hr>
who wished to instigate a confrontation between us, plotting my downfall.<hr>
She thought that my death would hurt me more than that of Hyrcan and my brother. What made me doubt more<
hr> was that Joseph tried to convince me that I should thank you<hr>
for this extreme show of your love for me. Moreover, he only revealed this plot to me<hr>
upon your return, and he did it in the presence of my mother and all my women, not making it a secret.<hr>
I must confess that while I was prepared for everything from you, I doubted the truth of Joseph's words.<hr>
I believed, as the father of our children, you would not be capable of such cruelty. I did not pass any<br>
judgement in my mind and waited for your return.<hr>
I welcomed you with the same sadness I've always had since the loss of Hyrcan and Aristobulus,<hr>
without laying any extra blame on you. Observing your actions, I must admit, I still doubted the<hr>
truth of Joseph's words. Salome's malice augmented these suspicions, and when I brought it up to you,<hr>
it was more to clarify the situation than to accuse you. For if it were true that I had any special affection for Joseph, and<br>
that I had taken what he disclosed as pure truth and evidence of his compassion for me, I would rather have died than reveal it,<br>
and the unfortunate one would still live.<hr>
<hr>
<hr>
                                                     17<hr>