To my sorrow, and my imagination, growing ever more cunning in its persecution of me, having
first convinced me that all our enemies sought your death, it next persuaded me that they sought
to preserve your life only to take control of your freedom. This first sentiment may have provided
me with brief respite, but the moment the image of Octavius’s victory presented itself, I
plunged back into despair. I knew you would not flee before a conqueror, but I still believed
that to evade this captivity, you would resort to death, and in any way it might occur, I would
still find myself wretched. I pondered on the choice of poison I would use to follow you, and
no other option crossed my mind. Over twenty times, I considered throwing myself in the sea
to end my pain. Yet, since I couldn’t die without leaving you, I couldn’t carry through with my decision.
However, suddenly considering the profound devotion you had always shown me, I thought
that if you saw me abandon the battlefield, you would do the same and in this I had found a
means to preserve your life and freedom. After all, with this choice made, I told myself that
Octavius sought victory far less than he did Antony's life or liberty and if he had neither, I
would be comforted in our loss of the battle.
Finally, my dear Antony, I did as my affection and despair advised me to, and you did
what I expected from your love. Barely had I seen that you were leaving your ship to board a
galley with the intention of following me, my heart filled with joy. It seemed to me that I was
the victor of the battle since I secured your life and your liberty, and imagining that Octavius
would trade his position with mine, I almost found solace from all my misfortunes. But what
brought me the most satisfaction on that painful day, was seeing that Antony would prefer me
over the desire to vanquish his enemies, that he would choose an unfortunate flight over a
possible victory, and that in the end, the Roman Empire meant less to him than Cleopatra.
This thought is so sweet that even if our flight places us amongst the defeated, I cannot apologise for it. And the way things have transpired, the Battle of Actium
will not bring the same glory to Octavius as it brings me. He has defeated soldiers bereft of
their leader, but I have seen the most valiant of all the heroes drop his weapons to follow me.
Now, to finalise my defence, remember this, my dear Antony, as soon as you detached
yourself from your ships, I hoisted a banner on my ship's stern to signal to you where you could
find me. Judge if this action is criminal, for if I intended to part ways with you, it would have
been easy not to alert you since I had sixty sails and you had but a single galley. If I had
betrayed you, it would've been simple to hand you over to Octavius thereby truly delivering
him the victory. If I ever tried to align myself with the enemy, if the path I took could be in any
way dubious, then your suspicions would be legitimate. However, contrary to this, my flight
was simply the result of my despair and love. You ought to blame the circumstances, not
accuse me.
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