My innocence and my actions allow me to reach it. You know it was he who converted me. None of your scholars have been able to convince me, it was he alone who opened my eyes, showed me the inconsistency of my religion, and pushed me to enter yours. You see, the beginning of our friendship was too sacred for it to become subsequently, that the one who had opened the gates of heaven for me would never have led me down the path of hell. Moreover, know that even if I were still the Athenian of old, that is to say, an adherent of that religion where all crimes are permitted by the example of the gods I worshipped, I would remain equally innocent. Purity is a quality known from time immemorial and in all nations, it is so essential to me that nothing can displace it. Judge if, being of a religion where modesty is rewarded, I could have acted against you and against myself. I sincerely believe I have explained to you that I could give or not without committing a crime, and that I have shown with sufficient coherence that the goodness Paulin has for you justifies the goodness I have for him. Now, regarding the lie I told you when I announced that I had eaten this fruit, it's true I should have told you the truth. But this mistake does not constitute a crime. 

When you asked me where this apple was, I noticed confusion on your face and anger in your eyes, the fear of angering you seized me and I did not think. Consider that if there had been any special relationship between Paulin and myself, as soon as you would have mentioned this apple, I would have suspected that you knew something. And in that case, through false sincerity and cunning, I would have found an excuse to tell you that I had sent this fruit to Paulin. But since I had nothing to blame myself for, I invented an innocent lie to please you without fearing that it would be misinterpreted. I made a mistake because I feared making one, and a distrustful tenderness caused me to lose yours. Not being prepared for this accusation and not knowing the crime with which I was being charged, I could only respond with tears. My silence and my respect were the only defenses I used to justify myself. A pride somewhat overly scrupulous and austere made me think I would sully myself by defending myself against such a thing. I even think I wouldn't have talked to you about it had I not intended to leave you. But Theodosius, please forgive everything I've said. You are not to blame for my misfortune, I no longer accuse you. I accept it as a punishment for my past mistakes. I defended the cause of the Greek gods too long to win my own now, and it is only fair that, having ardently defended this cause, I bear the consequences. When talking about a truth that matters to me, I do not consider it a lie. I have sacrificed too much to Jupiter and offered him too many victims not to pay for this crime by a sacrifice. I must be my own victim by enduring this with patience and earning forgiveness for my past mistakes.

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